Today is a day or maybe it’s the 🌧

 🤷🏽‍♀️

Currently putting my daughter down for a nap and thinking of all the things I have to get done today and not wanting to do any of them. Let’s see it’s been a week for me and I’m expecting my second child. I’m constantly fighting my own energy because I’m so tired and want to do nothing. Unacceptable, because I have a very busy 2 year old. She’s allergic to milk, eggs, peanuts, shellfish and sensitive to wheat and soy. I ignore the sensitive part to wheat and soy because she has to eat it simply because she is already allergic to just about everything. So on many days in my mind I’m frustrated because I wish I could just go about feeding her all types of things but I can’t. So here’s a scenario I tend to always end up making two types of breakfasts, two types of lunch, and two types of dinner. That is majority of the time and lately I am exhausted of it. (Silently, hoping the second child is not allergic to a lot of things while praying the first grows out of these things). If I do have a day of one breakfast l, lunch, or dinner it is because I’m like “whatever, I’ll eat what she eats” or I’ll skip eating at certain times and I’ll eat later. 

Then on the flip side of dealing with financial issues and dealing with the reality of wanting to work but can’t because I’m pregnant. Wanting to yell at employers because it was decided for me that I can’t work because I am pregnant when in reality I am capable. I can write, read, listen, take directions, give directions, understand, and LEAD. The only thing is you can see is my belly. Frustrated because I want to do things and accomplish things but money is an issue. Having to make sure my child is great but not feeling great on my own end.  Feeling stressed but guilty because stress is not good because I’m carrying another life inside of me. 

Current battle of dealing with people who are in the way, negative, or blinded. Constantly thinking of my own personal goals and working towards them daily and feeling like it’s taking forever. Dealing with mood swings and just wanting peace. 

Making something out of nothing is a true thing when it comes to motherhood because sometimes you have nothing but you make it happen. On the list of today feeding, laundry, cleaning, appt, food shopping and activities. Did I mention I don’t want to do any of that? Somewhere in there I have to figure out where I can fit things in for myself but usually by then the day is over 😪. Oh and due for major need of a girls night out. No a couple of girls nightssss out. 

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Adapt & Opposed

Humans learn to adapt to people at early ages. For instance, children are born into families without being able to make their own choices. The saying of “I didn’t ask to be here” is used highly by people. Interestingly, the use of the saying is used by children, teenagers, young adults, or older adults. There is a clear indication that this saying is often used when someone is hurt, confused, angered, or misunderstood. The overall of emotions show through the saying. Families unknowingly teach one major key which is how to adapt. Adapting is important; but it is crucial to be able to disconnect. Toxic tendencies can be found in a lot of families. Things children learn at early ages follows into adulthood. Toxic tendencies can define who children become at early ages in life by placing scars or permanent damage upon them.

There are two sides when it comes to adapting which are being processed and unprocessed. Generational curses is a main focus when it comes to living. Generational curses are difficult to break for a lot of people because it is all they know. Going against something you have known all your life can cause chaos. Going against someone you have known all your life can create confusion. This type of issue follows into each step of life. For instance, relationships are a prime example of how family can affect someone. For example, a girl can witness her mother being abused majority of her life; later to only follow in those same steps. The girl can become the abuser or become the victim. These are examples of how a toxic family can mentally damage someone in the early stages which follows into their late stages. Thus, producing more damage and adding onto the generational curses.

There are a lot of ways families can be toxic. For example, someone who comes from a prestigious family may be feel left out because of high expectations. This person may feel the need to do something different in their career choice. Let’s say the family is known for being lawyers, or doctors. The person is interested in acting but the family does not approve. Instead of letting this person make their own life choices; the family disregards them. Causing a field of chaos within their mental and emotional state. The family may either talk about them, disregard, or ban them. This is a toxic type of family because there is a lack of support and too much control.

Another example, a male grows up in a urban environment. He learns about drugs, or alcohol, fighting, and family dysfunction. The lack of support he receives from his family is crucial because it determines his outlook in life. He may feel unsupported, overlooked, and unworthy. This would be something he may not speak upon because it is viewed as part of the norm. The feelings he learned at early ages can determine how he will carry himself and approach others. For instance, he may lack in the social connection area due to his family issues. He could be involved with a woman who he does not treat the right way. He may be abusive; emotionally, physically, or mentally. He may lack in the area of emotional connection. He could be a womanizer; not knowing the difference of how to treat one woman versus having multiple. This guy can carry the things he learned about into his views and social life. Finding himself on the wrong path can happen easily. Jail, death, or social outcast could be included in that path. This is a example of how toxic families and surroundings can diminish positive chances of survival.

I wanted to list two types of different ways a family can be toxic. Also, I wanted to address two opposite types of environmental surroundings that can have a hand in adaptation. Each one focusing on how adapting can either have a positive or negative effect. Stemming from the reality of belonging to a “family”. The word family is important because it elaborates on where someone derives from. The word family can also be dangerous because someone may feel that just because they are related to a family they have to belong. That is a fact that can be challenged because toxic tendencies in families can ruin a person. Just because someone is in a family does not mean they have to live the way family expects. If a family is toxic and disrupts the mental and emotional state of being that family should be addressed. It is okay to remove yourself from a family or family members that have toxic tendencies. It is not okay to bypass a family member or family with the saying of “that’s how they are” because you become a part of the excuse.

Easy for people to say “step out on faith” but seems harder to make them understand why it’s difficult when your faith has been shaken or broken at points. I think people continuously say “step out faith” because it is all you can do. After you do that then you will see what you are capable of and what is in store for you. Also, faith does not always have to relate to religion or god but it can also relate to hope or inspiration from within or around you.

Inhale and Exhale

There’s something about waking up in the middle of the night or early mornings. Whether you wake up at 3, 4, or 5 am the air seems to captivate you. You can listen to it on a crisp morning or a hot morning. The difference being that you are feeling the cool air or feeling that muggy air which lets you know that you can feel. Timing the way you inhale the air without realizing that you are inhaling something that is free. Often we take for granted what this world revolves around and we forget to count our blessings. Count them, not because you have to or should but because they are always there.